Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can sometimes feel like you’re on an emotional roller coaster that never stops. The twists and turns of intense emotions can leave you feeling exhausted and unsure of what’s coming next. But the good news is, you don’t have to just hold on for dear life; there are practical strategies you can use to manage those intense feelings. Let’s dive into five distress tolerance skills that can help you find your calm in the midst of the emotional chaos.
1. Cool Down with Intense Temperature
First up: intense temperature. This technique is about using extreme cold to shock your system and bring you back to the present moment. Try holding an ice cube in your hand, splashing cold water on your face, or taking a cold shower. The cold sensation activates your body’s dive reflex, slowing down your heart rate and calming you down. It’s like hitting the reset button on your emotions, giving you a moment to breathe and regain control.
2. Get Moving with Intense Exercise
When emotions are running wild, sometimes you need to burn off that energy. Enter intense exercise. You don’t have to become a gym rat, but a burst of physical activity can do wonders for your mood. Go for a brisk walk, do some jumping jacks, or have a dance-off in your living room!
The key is to get your heart pumping and redirect your emotional energy into something physical. Not only will it help to release some of that pent-up tension, but the endorphins your body produces will give you a natural mood boost.
3. Breathe Your Way to Calm with Paced Breathing
Next on the list is paced breathing. You know how people always say, “Take a deep breath”? Well, there’s a reason for that. Slow, deliberate breathing can help to calm your nervous system and reduce the intensity of your emotions. Try the 5-5-5 technique: inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 5 seconds, and exhale for 5 seconds.
Repeat this a few times until you start to feel more grounded. What we're essentially trying to do is send a message to your brain that says, “Everything’s going to be okay.” Plus, it’s something you can do anytime, anywhere - no special equipment needed.
4. Distract Yourself
When your emotions are in overdrive, sometimes the best thing you can do is distract yourself. Find something that captures your attention and pulls you out of the emotional storm. Watch a funny cat video, call a friend to chat about anything other than how you’re feeling, or dive into a hobby that makes you happy.
The goal is to give your brain a break from the intensity of your emotions so it can focus on something else for a little while. It’s like giving your mind a time-out, allowing you to come back to your emotions later when you’re feeling more balanced.
5. Soothe Yourself with the Power of the Senses
Last but not least, we have the technique of self-soothing through the senses. This tool is all about engaging your five senses - sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch - to create a calming environment. Light a scented candle, listen to your favourite calming music, wrap yourself in a cozy blanket, sip on a warm cup of tea, or spend a few minutes looking at a pretty photo.
These small sensory experiences can help to anchor you in the present moment and bring a sense of peace when your emotions are running high. It’s like wrapping yourself in a warm, comforting hug whenever and wherever you need it.
Final Thoughts
Coping with intense emotions when you have BPD isn’t easy, but these DBT techniques can be your go-to tools when your emotions become particularly strong. Remember, it’s okay to have big feelings - they’re part of being human. But with a little practice and some handy coping skills, you can learn to ride the waves of your emotions without getting completely swept away.
If you are looking for help with borderline personality disorder, feel free to explore our page on borderline personality disorder therapy, contact us, or book your free consultation to see if we could be of help.
References
1. Linehan, M. (2015). DBT skills training handouts and worksheets. The Guilford Press.
2. Zeifman RJ, Boritz T, Barnhart R, Labrish C, McMain SF. The independent roles of mindfulness and distress tolerance in treatment outcomes in dialectical behavior therapy skills training. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment. 2019. doi: 10.1037/per0000368
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